Sorry to those I have pushed away…

landscape photography of mountains covered in snow

I promise you were always good enough.

I grew up always feeling inadequate. Feeling like the authentic me wasn’t good enough.

Everyday I would secretly believe that people wouldn’t accept me for who I am.

People were to be kept at a distance in order to protect my inner self.

It didn’t matter how much of an effort the other person made, it still wouldn’t be enough.

What caused me to react to life that way?

It’s a combination of a few traumatic events.

The more I tried to assess why it happened to me, the more I unnecessarily suffered in the process.

What made it worse was that I projected that hurt onto others.

The solution

I can’t necessarily call this a solution as more of a trial. It’ll take time to identify whether it is truly working.

Be more present! Take the time to really listen to other people. I want people to feel heard when they are around me.

Be vulnerable! I need to be willing to share more of myself to others. There’s a fine line between mysterious and detached. I need to straddle that carefully.

As an introvert, I love being alone – having personal space. Be open to connecting more with others.

Maybe watch a movie or go play sports. I need to just put myself out there to others.

Lastly, I am working to maintain the connections that I build. Sometimes it might not be best but for the most part, stay in touch and work to keep in touch.

They don’t need to be my best friend, just maintain.

I hope there are those that can benefit!!